ana1451

I really want to take this weight loss process seriously and I know that at some point in time I’m going to have to exercise. There’s only one tiny problem: I can not stand sweating.  I don’t even know how I passed Phys ed in high school!!!! Back then I was in shape but still hated to run, jump, leap etc. No wonder I never learned how to play tennis, volleyball or basketball. Walking is ok with me but I feel you don’t burn anything.  Maybe just trying to walk a little faster will do the trick (mentally) for me.

Even though I consider myself to be an outgoing person I’m always very guarded when it comes to revealing exactly what I’m thinking and feeling. This process of writing down stuff no matter how trivial or random feels soooo liberating. I remember when I was a little girl my mom bought me a diary with a lock and everything and I would write bogus stuff in it!!!!! Ha, Ha!!! Sneaky.

Hanging out on Friday night- How to say no? It’s not that hard, but for some reason when alcohol and going out are involved I can’t resist. Especially if there’s a possibility of me not paying (LOL) If you are in a club, lounge, bar etc. how can you remain diet-centric and still drink? Just wondering…

Have you seen that movie with Bill Murray? It’s been a while….I know. I watched it a gazillion times but what struck out for me today was his infamous mantra: Baby Steps. Baby steps…get away from that vending machine (ooh Cheetos); Baby steps… walk down eight flight of stairs (what the hell, the elevator was taking too long); Baby steps… share my food at dinner cause the portion’s too big and it isn’t exactly diet friendly (which I secretly hate- can’t have people all up in my plate) . Just a thought to get through the day.  

You know how people look at themselves in the mirror and always see an exaggerated version of themselves?  Usually  fatter, uglier, etc. Well that’s my problem…sort of….but just the opposite. For some reason I could never see “the real me”. When clothes didn’t fit I would think: “it must have shrunk in the dryer” or “the sizes in this store are labeled wrong” or “in pictures everyone looks distorted” or whatever excuse no matter how ludicrous it sounded. I have no idea if  all this time I was being overly optimistic or just downright delusional!!!!!  I’ve known that for the past couple of years I have been gaining and gaining but didn’t realize how out of control it has gotten. I thought I was merely chubby, pudgy, overweight- but obese???? No way!!! I could not even grasp what that meant. Damn that BMI indicator (and those evil co-workers with nothing better to do at lunch time)!!!! So now that I have had time to think things over, take a good look at my photo albums, look at the clothes in my closet….I decided I could do two things. #1 Become depressed at the realization that I am fat or #2 Try to do something about it. So here I am.